INTERVIEWED BY Andrea Malhotra


BRINDA HARI'S FIRST DAY
TRANSCRIPT
TRANSCRIBED BY Poorvaja R. (x 7)

Okay, so here we go, Brinda. Okay, what do you remember about the first few days when you arrived in the US? What are your memories of that time?

Taking everything in, you know. Met lot of other Hari’s colleagues and their wives, and then it was nice, because away from your family, and then you are meeting all the other Indians here. And I was living with one of Hari’s colleague, their house. It was nice to get to know the things and the area. It was really beautiful, and to meet everybody. Everybody came to meet me, all the ladies here at that time. I don’t know if you remember, Anamika was there. She was small that time.

She was small, okay, yeah.

Beena’s house, and getting to know everybody, getting used to the place. We were looking for an apartment. Getting used to the new place, away from home. It was exciting for me, getting to know a new place, living there. So yeah, it was good.

So, you were excited.

I was excited, yeah.

And then what was your impression of the place. When you first saw Irvine or California, what did you think?

Everything was clean, neat, right? The gardens and the bigger roads, and vehicles, all the cars, and it was kind of a new experience coming from India, with all the rush and the people. It was kind of nice. Getting used to the place. You are observing what is happening, where is this place is. It’s clean, and neat, and when you go do all the grocery shopping and all, you get everything, you are kind of, “Oh, you get this.” Not Indian things, but the other things, other groceries.

What made you decide to immigrate to the United States?

Hari’s job. Hari was in Bombay, working for a software company. Through them, he came here first. I think he came in July ’94. His job brought us here.

Hari is your husband, and were you already married at that time?

Yeah, and our first child, Rithvik, was born in India.

When you first arrived here, if you want to think back, what surprised you about the US?

What surprised me?

Did you have some preconceived notions?

Yes, by reading and watching the movies. What surprised me? I don’t know what surprised me. Maybe seeing all the Indians. I didn’t expect that I will have that many Indians. We’ll meet and have a group. I didn’t expect that. Was kind of just thinking about Hari and maybe we’ll live together. I heard him talking about other people, but never expected that this is the kind of group that we will have, and it’s kind of a family, make a family out of that, all their friends. That’s what surprised me, you can say.

That’s very true. What did you do on your first day when you arrived? Do you remember that?

First day, I don’t–I remember driving. Hari and one of Hari’s friend, Vijay, picked me up from the airport, and while driving to Irvine, I was looking around and seeing all the big roads in the cities and was quite amazed looking at them. When we arrived at Beena’s house–I was living with Beena and Sojan, and that’s the first thing, that’s all I remember. I don’t remember anything else.

When you think back, what were the biggest cultural differences that you felt between India and the US?

The cultural difference I felt was—our people. The things that we do in India, that is the first thing that we miss, right? No getting together for functions, ceremonies. Every month, something or the other is there, and we miss that. And the people are distant than in India. I feel like you learn to make a space between other people, especially Americans or–whatever, Caucasians. And you have to be really kind of polite, very formal. It’s not informal like India. So that’s some of the things that I have noticed. You have to be really—when you talk and when go to other people’s house, you have to call and let them know, “We are coming.” In India, you just walk in, right? You just go. So that’s one of the major things.

Very good point. Did you see anything similar between the US and India?

No.

Nothing?

No, nothing. No similarity. So different.

So different.

So different.

In your first few days, not the first day, but the first few days or the first few months, did you face any challenges or barriers?

Challenges is like—with Rithvik, because he—

Rithvik is your oldest son.

Yeah, he was one and a half years old. He used to have lot of skin allergy, eczema, so he was—with your family, it’s easy, there are people to hand over and all. You don’t have to 24/7 look after a child, so that I missed. And then you have to cook, and you have to do everything. That was the first time doing all that, cleaning, cooking, and looking after him. That was the challenge.

And then getting around. I was not driving. In India, you have an auto, and get into an auto, go buy, all that things. Here, that’s another one. And nothing is nearby. This is a—

Can’t walk to anything.

Yeah. That’s that kind of thing. How easily we can buy things, and the support system that we have in India, is not here. Even though you’re happy with your husband and your kid, but you miss all the other part, right? That’s the biggest challenge.

That was the biggest challenge for you. Did you have any preconceived notions about the—you did say you didn’t expect to meet so many Indians at the same time. What advice would you give, now, after you’ve lived here so long, newly arrived immigrants into the United States?

I think this generation is told so different. They are very adaptable to other countries, right? That’s what I’m thinking.

I agree.

Because of the social media, because of the exposure they have, they will come and they will adjust more than us. But I think it will be nice to have your own group, like a community, where you can go and have that connection with them, that community. Where your kids, if you are single, if you get married and have kids, I think they need to have that connection with your community. You’re learning about your culture, and I think that is one of the things that I would say that it will be—I don’t know if they will agree, but thinking back, we had a nice big group, actually, so it was nice. They all had small kids, so it was very nice to hang out with them, and their different foods. In India, I’m just from Trivandrum, where all Malayalis we know. When I came here, we met different people from different parts of India. That was really nice. You get to know cultural differences there too, from one state to another state. I think it would be nice to have your own community, same from your state or from different state from India. I think that is something that helps you in times of your needs, maybe. For your kids also. That’s what I think.

That’s the advice.

Yeah.

Okay. All right, Brinda, thank you so much.

Thank you.

SHARE THIS STORY

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: